Tag Archives: humor

Whale of a time

I walked into the living room and saw my husband on his cell phone, clearly trying to catch something, and asked, “Anything good in here?”

Gently, he declared: “Yes, you.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet!”, I responded and thought, my ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em mentality’ had started to pay off.

I grabbed a blanket to sit near him as he tipped his phone toward me.

When I saw the display, I sat on the couch by myself instead.

As I reclined, he laughed, caught Wailmer and blubbered something about me being a gift in his life.

Now I understand the Pokemon warning. Remember to be alert at all times. Stay aware of your surroundings.

Figaro

I started the day listening to classical music and thinking about my dad. He enjoyed the classic composers and attending the symphony. On the way to the train I listened to a Mozart piece, ‘Le Nozze di Figaro’. I am positive my father often enjoyed this Overture.

Reflecting on the title reminded me that our father used to sing out ‘Figaro’ from time to time. The word alone translates to ‘barber’. He did enjoy the company of his barber. Although, sometimes our Dad would randomly sing out, “Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-roooo!” I never understood why he did this, even when I started the same antics as an older adult. The urban dictionary describes Figaro as ‘a word that you say or sing over and over again that means you are pretending to sing opera’. Now it all makes complete sense; classic Ralph.

Banana Split

When you take two bananas to work and tell yourself you shouldn’t put them in your commuter bag

but you don’t want to carry a second bag today, so you do it anyway

and get to work to see that the top of a banana is split open but wonder why it smells so ripe

and then remember there were two, so you pull out your keys and there is banana mush all over them

which prompts you to discretely walk to the ladies room to clean out your bag

and when you start to pull out more items there are banana guts everywhere

so you wipe off what you need to keep, throw away what you can and take the wet work-related papers to the shred bin

which is outside your bosses office so you stop to say good morning

and then go to your desk to start over but grab your mug too quickly

and water goes all over the rug

which prompts another walk to the bathroom

to regroup the hot mess that you are

and when you look in the mirror, there’s banana smash all down your right leg

which makes you wish you had paint thinner to help wash it off

because your black pants are the perfect backdrop for showcasing this Pollack-inspired banana art

which makes you feel happily defeated as you wonder if your boss noticed

that you are a fruit!?!?