Tag Archives: cooking

KFC

Keep F’in Canopies

over the speakers too!

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Frosty did what?!

After an extremely long, cold, snowy winter…

– only briefly interrupted by a windy spring day of temperatures reaching 70 degrees …

– followed by a very wet 30 degree snowstorm of morning commute slush …

This evening our neighborhood men finally reached their winter weather breaking point! Their frustration is clearly visible along our property. The road looks like all the area snowmen threw up!

#onceuponatime

Richie was out with his Mom. The chick that gave me the chick. Now I was alone with the little blue light special.

Home by myself, the dog asleep and the radio off, I turned to the corner of the kitchen for solace.

“Alexa, tell me a story.”

She did. She told me a short, sweet story.

It made me smile.

I tried for another.

The theme was cute but the ending predictable.

I was continuing to be a critic of hers but enjoyed being read to on a rainy day.

I’ve since learned the stories of: “Measure twice”, “The Hunt” and “Camp Blues”.

When Richie came home I told him about “The old man in the cottage” and “Making a snowball”.

Now Alexa had me narrating the accounts to Richie. He had left us alone together but we actually got along for once. Later tonight, I can even tell Richie “How to play pickle ball” – although I think I’ll edit it to my liking.

Everyone has a story. Alexa has a bookshelf. I gave her a hard wrap when we first met but maybe she, and Richie and I, are the fairytale.

Nope

I love trying new foods, experiencing unique dishes and learning about other cultures. I enjoy egg rolls, devouring fresh shrimp and discovering new restaurants. All that said, The local Korean restaurant I found last weekend was a gem and the flavors were amazing but spring rolls are not for me.

Initially, I couldn’t get past the visual presentation. I even thought it might be a joke. Perhaps I was on that show ‘Punked’ or Candid Camera? Clearly. Clearly someone had wrapped my fresh shrimp in a condom.

Initially I just stared. It took me about 10 minutes to even consider taking a bite. The wrap wasn’t like anything I could have imagined. The consistency was even worse. When the shock wore off, I thought about what to do next. I did what any nice girl would do. I ate the meat and left the wrapping on the motel floor.

I mean restaurant table.

I know spring rolls aren’t a new concept for most but this was a raw dining experience for me. I will go back to this otherwise delicious establishment. I’ll return for the Pad Thai, pork vermicelli and Pho. I just won’t order any phalic items that prompt me to visualize other parts of our culture. There’s a time and place for everything but when I go out to eat, don’t spring a surprise on me. I’d rather roll over and go to sleep.

#unnecessary?

I took notice, maybe for the first time, of all the merchandising that hangs from the grocery store shelving this past weekend. Do I need a produce drying pad? Who determined this would sell? What is the target audience? Are my dish towel, kitchen drainer or shirt sleeve not good enough anymore?

Are our lives so complicated that this grill cheese sleeve is essential to somebody’s way of life? The packaging even advertises that you can use the bags up to 50 times. I believe I can do that with my fry pan. I have probably made hundreds of grilled cheese in my kitchen, with and without sleeves. Also, why the hell would I relinquish some of the delicious melted cheese to the inside of the so-called bag or toaster?

OK, I actually bought one of these once. Somewhere. I’m sure I still have it. Somewhere. I’d like to believe I used it. Somewhere. It must have been a good idea at the time – when our kids were four years old, perhaps? When I thought it would be easier than making poached eggs for Benedict? When I wanted to impress my husband with round egg making abilities? The point is, it’s pointless. I am embarrassed to say this gimmick got me. I just wish I knew how much cash I shelled out.

These bowl covers confused me. Why do I need rain bonnet covers for my bowls? Do people not realize saran wrap is on the next aisle? Was Tupperware not invented down the street from where we live? Do people include bowl covers in their grocery budget?

Then there was this produce poach which wasn’t even in the produce aisle. I believe it was in the baking aisle. The produce aisle actually has free produce bags. The baking aisle includes all kinds of storage and decorating ideas. I suppose the grocers have determined that my creativity will kick in by aisle 6 – at the same time my memory of produce bags on aisle 1 is lost.

More photos may be totally unnecessary but next weekend I will determine what else I do not need. I may ever price the merchandising. This senseless gimmicks must be of value to someone?

Alexa – Part II

My husband enjoys a traditional late breakfast with his mother and brother on Sunday mornings. Before he leaves, he watches an oil painting show upstairs while I putter around with writing or light housekeeping downstairs.

I usually like a quiet house but I decided to reconcile with the other woman.

“Alexa, play Adam Lambert.”

I can’t find music by Adam Lambert in your library but it is available on Amazon music unlimited.

Yeah, I love Adam as much as the first guy but I wasn’t dishing out any cash unless I was at his concert, so I tried again:

“Alexa, play Cher.”

I can’t find music by Cher in your library but it is available on Amazon music unlimited.

“Alexa, play Bette Midler.”

It was like a broken echo Dot. Skipping and repeating…dot, dot, dot

Okay, okay, I got it. The bitch wanted money and a playlist before she’d grace me with any of my favorite tunes.

Making the requests was easy enough though, so I didn’t stop there. I tried to generalize:

“Alexa, play good music.”

I don’t have any good music to play.

Really? Great Marketing you Amazon chickiepoo.

“Alexa, play classical.”

Turns out Alexa didn’t have any Concertos or Royal Parade music, so she honed in on the root word “classic” and started playing classic rock.

…from Richie’s playlist. He and Alexa are quite the pair now. I was trying to listen to something different for a change.

Richie came down the stairs with a chuckle as I gave in and said, “Alexa, play Allman Brothers.”

Richie seemed pleased with my working selection as he headed out the door to meet his family. He thinks it’s funny that he has the app and I’m ready to kick Alexa’s ass.

I listened to the classics that are so well known in this house and started to make myself a nice breakfast. As I cracked the eggs for my French toast, Alexa interrupted with a bulletin.

Reminder: Donna is a dumbass.

Alexa was mean-spirited and enjoyed saying it. Richie, on the other hand, was humorously telling me to catch up with the technological times. I knew he was laughing in his Jeep.

I begrudgingly grinned from ear-to-ear and cracked up with my egg shells. I was charmed to know he still thinks of me so creatively when he’s gone. After all these years he certainly knows how to push my buttons. I soaked my French toast, set the table for one and hit Alexa’s off button. I had some writing to do in my quiet house.