Category Archives: Nothing and Everything

Random streams of consciousness about life with a twist of my whimsical point of view.

Nope

I love trying new foods, experiencing unique dishes and learning about other cultures. I enjoy egg rolls, devouring fresh shrimp and discovering new restaurants. All that said, The local Korean restaurant I found last weekend was a gem and the flavors were amazing but spring rolls are not for me.

Initially, I couldn’t get past the visual presentation. I even thought it might be a joke. Perhaps I was on that show ‘Punked’ or Candid Camera? Clearly. Clearly someone had wrapped my fresh shrimp in a condom.

Initially I just stared. It took me about 10 minutes to even consider taking a bite. The wrap wasn’t like anything I could have imagined. The consistency was even worse. When the shock wore off, I thought about what to do next. I did what any nice girl would do. I ate the meat and left the wrapping on the motel floor.

I mean restaurant table.

I know spring rolls aren’t a new concept for most but this was a raw dining experience for me. I will go back to this otherwise delicious establishment. I’ll return for the Pad Thai, pork vermicelli and Pho. I just won’t order any phalic items that prompt me to visualize other parts of our culture. There’s a time and place for everything but when I go out to eat, don’t spring a surprise on me. I’d rather roll over and go to sleep.

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#unnecessary?

I took notice, maybe for the first time, of all the merchandising that hangs from the grocery store shelving this past weekend. Do I need a produce drying pad? Who determined this would sell? What is the target audience? Are my dish towel, kitchen drainer or shirt sleeve not good enough anymore?

Are our lives so complicated that this grill cheese sleeve is essential to somebody’s way of life? The packaging even advertises that you can use the bags up to 50 times. I believe I can do that with my fry pan. I have probably made hundreds of grilled cheese in my kitchen, with and without sleeves. Also, why the hell would I relinquish some of the delicious melted cheese to the inside of the so-called bag or toaster?

OK, I actually bought one of these once. Somewhere. I’m sure I still have it. Somewhere. I’d like to believe I used it. Somewhere. It must have been a good idea at the time – when our kids were four years old, perhaps? When I thought it would be easier than making poached eggs for Benedict? When I wanted to impress my husband with round egg making abilities? The point is, it’s pointless. I am embarrassed to say this gimmick got me. I just wish I knew how much cash I shelled out.

These bowl covers confused me. Why do I need rain bonnet covers for my bowls? Do people not realize saran wrap is on the next aisle? Was Tupperware not invented down the street from where we live? Do people include bowl covers in their grocery budget?

Then there was this produce poach which wasn’t even in the produce aisle. I believe it was in the baking aisle. The produce aisle actually has free produce bags. The baking aisle includes all kinds of storage and decorating ideas. I suppose the grocers have determined that my creativity will kick in by aisle 6 – at the same time my memory of produce bags on aisle 1 is lost.

More photos may be totally unnecessary but next weekend I will determine what else I do not need. I may ever price the merchandising. This creative merchandising must be necessary to someone?

GTFOOM

Nothing has more heat, immediacy and wrath than a menopausal woman woken from her sweaty slumber at 2 a.m.:

  • The sensation is hotter than a ghost pepper having a heart attack.
  • The urgency to cool The Situation is greater than a Jersey Shore intervention.
  • A backpack of stickers on a rainy afternoon has less gooeyness than whatever is happening all over your skin.

When these factors collide in the middle of a wintry night, you’re damn right the wakening verbal response to the down comforter is “Get the fuck off of me!”