Self-doubt

<I just found another unpublished draft that’s interesting in retrospect. It was dated November 2016.>

Someone told me once that the devil comes at night…

At 2 a.m. he arrived. My eyes were frozen open and my tingling body was on fire. My mind raced. I rethought the past and doubted my future. I even questioned my professional competence and overall value to society.  I couldn’t fall back asleep. I tossed. Turned. Sweat!

When the sun came up, there was also a dawning on me. I realized I have made an impact in my career and have always volunteered in a big, devoted way. My energies were renewed. It was a beautiful new day. Confidence and faith slowly came back.

I wondered if I would have removed my conflict sooner if I’d prayed, had more trust in God or at least read my devotional in the wee hours of the morning?

I would have. Here’s the entry:

“You have a glorious reputation because of those never-to-be-forgotten deeds.”

Nehemiah 9:10

I’m telling you once – I didn’t make this up. Don’t doubt it for a minute.

I am my blog

My life’s motto is the same as my blood type:

be positive.

My fashion statement is the same as my home decor:

relaxed.

My persona is the same as my perspective about the future:

welcoming.

 There are so many good things in every day life. Relax, put your feet up and read.

Welcome to my blog!

Conference call

Despite being the only two people left in our household, my husband and I still tend to have three and four-way conversations. And nobody is on the phone. 

Richie went out to breakfast with his Mom yesterday and when he pulled into the driveway, I let our dog, Otis, know “Daddy’s home!” My husband talked with us for a minute on the deck and then went into the house to get another cushion (it rained the night before, so we bring them in). I heard my husband’s next conversation through the kitchen window screen. He was also confirming to “The Dude” that he was back. 

Other days we might acknowledge that we didn’t hear or understand what was said:

 “What? I didn’t catch that.” 

“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Kapper.”

Are the additional conversations no different than talking to houseplants? Maybe we’ve always talked to the pets but are only now paying attention to one another? Either way, I wonder if this post will get us more conversations with household visitors – or less?                     

 

Friday night lights

I just discovered a blog entry I never published. At the time, I was settling into a new job. It’s ironic that I find it almost exactly one year later when I’m looking for a new position. The blog entry was in draft mode and is dated 7/18/16:

“Since the first day at my new job in Boston, I’ve missed the 5:07 train twice. The express follows thirty minutes later but regardless, both were on a Friday. Last week, I still managed to get to an early movie with my girlfriend. Tonight I decided to manage my blog and hang out with you fine people.

I just updated the settings on my site and took a few photos to share with you:

stairs
My new gym membership – 150 steps

I didn’t “run” the steps this evening but walking up still left me winded.

shoes
My new best friends

I leave my stilettos at the office and rely on Merrill street shoes for the commute.

train
Commuter rail train

Arrival of the train is always a welcome sight to the Sheldon Cooper in me!

Thanks for joining.  I know I’m not sitting here alone.

fans

This Friday night I’m with my 1,000+ followers.  Thanks for hanging out with me!”

—————————————–
What are you scheduled to do this weekend?

Gone but not forgotten

Our daughter has been in Philadelphia for several weeks. I miss her terribly just knowing she’s further away than usual. When I opened the refrigerator this morning, I saw her face. Maple syrup from the restaurant she likes. Dunkers that she  usually buys at Trader Joe’s for her dad. The bottle of Coke I had to buy yesterday because it showcased her name. Tomorrow I’ll buy some cream cheese and have a loaded steak and whiz sub for lunch. Somehow the visuals and city references bring her closer to home. It’s been a Rocky road for me. Ah, yes, that too will shorten the distance. A mom has to do what a mom has to do.

I am woman, hear me!

I opened my eyes at 5 a.m. long enough to take the dog outside and crawl back into bed. Using my iphone, I read a blog, wrote a daily prompt of my own and set my alarm for another hour. When I awoke, and finally decided to get up for the day, I literally said out loud, “this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad – and find a job!”

It was disdain for myself. I thought of what day it was and then grumbled a thought in my head, ‘It’s  June 30. Why are you still home? I certainly thought you’d have a job by now.”  I was dreading the day, and my fate, at the same time I was looking for structure and motivation.

I kept with my only two routines: I made the bed to finalize the night and then read my ‘God in every moment’ calendar to restart the day. I couldn’t believe the timing and how the daily devotional responded to my silent thoughts:

“Lord, I am at home wherever you are. If you call me into the wilderness, I will embrace it because you’re there with me. Help me to not walk in fear or doubt, but in faith. Shine your light on the path you have for me to travel, for I know that all my days are in your hands. Forgive me when I grumble or have less than a grateful heart about where I am right now.”

It was my wake-up call. I may not have a new job yet but the Lord is working in mysterious ways.

 
Photo credit: Myself – of a tshirt from https://www.toadandco.com/about/OUR-STORES-FREEPORt.html

The Sound of Music

“When the Lord closes a door…” 

The motion is a slam, and the view is through pains of glass, but renewed spirit will breeze through the screen

“Somewhere he opens a window…”

I am a writer who sells vintage books and toys. I write about the whimsy of life, family, thrifting, everything and nothing and whispers of the Holy Spirit.

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