#wet

In awe and proud of our die-hard New England surfers riding the 38 degree waves.

York, Maine – 2/18/18

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Nope

I love trying new foods, experiencing unique dishes and learning about other cultures. I enjoy egg rolls, devouring fresh shrimp and discovering new restaurants. All that said, The local Korean restaurant I found last weekend was a gem and the flavors were amazing but spring rolls are not for me.

Initially, I couldn’t get past the visual presentation. I even thought it might be a joke. Perhaps I was on that show ‘Punked’ or Candid Camera? Clearly. Clearly someone had wrapped my fresh shrimp in a condom.

Initially I just stared. It took me about 10 minutes to even consider taking a bite. The wrap wasn’t like anything I could have imagined. The consistency was even worse. When the shock wore off, I thought about what to do next. I did what any nice girl would do. I ate the meat and left the wrapping on the motel floor.

I mean restaurant table.

I know spring rolls aren’t a new concept for most but this was a raw dining experience for me. I will go back to this otherwise delicious establishment. I’ll return for the Pad Thai, pork vermicelli and Pho. I just won’t order any phalic items that prompt me to visualize other parts of our culture. There’s a time and place for everything but when I go out to eat, don’t spring a surprise on me. I’d rather roll over and go to sleep.

#unnecessary?

I took notice, maybe for the first time, of all the merchandising that hangs from the grocery store shelving this past weekend. Do I need a produce drying pad? Who determined this would sell? What is the target audience? Are my dish towel, kitchen drainer or shirt sleeve not good enough anymore?

Are our lives so complicated that this grill cheese sleeve is essential to somebody’s way of life? The packaging even advertises that you can use the bags up to 50 times. I believe I can do that with my fry pan. I have probably made hundreds of grilled cheese in my kitchen, with and without sleeves. Also, why the hell would I relinquish some of the delicious melted cheese to the inside of the so-called bag or toaster?

OK, I actually bought one of these once. Somewhere. I’m sure I still have it. Somewhere. I’d like to believe I used it. Somewhere. It must have been a good idea at the time – when our kids were four years old, perhaps? When I thought it would be easier than making poached eggs for Benedict? When I wanted to impress my husband with round egg making abilities? The point is, it’s pointless. I am embarrassed to say this gimmick got me. I just wish I knew how much cash I shelled out.

These bowl covers confused me. Why do I need rain bonnet covers for my bowls? Do people not realize saran wrap is on the next aisle? Was Tupperware not invented down the street from where we live? Do people include bowl covers in their grocery budget?

Then there was this produce poach which wasn’t even in the produce aisle. I believe it was in the baking aisle. The produce aisle actually has free produce bags. The baking aisle includes all kinds of storage and decorating ideas. I suppose the grocers have determined that my creativity will kick in by aisle 6 – at the same time my memory of produce bags on aisle 1 is lost.

More photos may be totally unnecessary but next weekend I will determine what else I do not need. I may ever price the merchandising. This creative merchandising must be necessary to someone?

Diseased quote

I was enjoying the movie Contagion until the “writers” bashed a few of their own with this line:

“Blogging is not writing. Blogging is graffiti with punctuation.”

– How do my fellow bloggers feel about that line?

– And this pending challenge entry by a blogger after my own heart, Dymoonblog? With a great photo (credit) comment by another fellow blogger, Superduque777?

#Alexa – shit, who knew?!

My mother-in-law is to blame once again. She raised four boys, making my husband both the oldest and the ring leader. Even as grown men, when they gather, toilet humor is a favorite topic.

When they are away from one another, the topic still manages to rear it’s smelly head. I can hear flatulence during phone conversations, see references in texts and most recently, hear broadcast with their newest accomplish, Alexa.

“Alexa, make farting noises.”

Like my brother-in-law’s holiday competitions, they come in all sounds, duration and levels of disgust. Alexa wants to be in their group so badly, she participates every single time. I didn’t realize she could stoop to this level.

The boys to men tell one another about their technological farts with tears in their eyes. I had no idea how uneducated Alexa was until now. And yes, it’s my mother-in-law’s fault. She wrapped the boys in swaddling clothes and Alexa in Christmas paper.

#Alexa kitten

Virtual chick and my husband are still pissing me off. Richie now thinks his woman has a good sense of humor too. She continues to give him what he wants, especially when he says, “Alexa, make kitten sounds.”

Her electronic speech is impacting our children and I take that very seriously.

It’s a laser show gone bad but without the lights.

In the past our cats have experienced maddening exercise routines with a laser. They chase that red beam anywhere. But when Alexa inserts herself with what she thinks are clever kitten games, I am not amused. That mesh-faced bitch sits in the corner of our kitchen counter with the ability to manipulate our cats.

As soon as Alexa starts meowing, our cats ears perk up. They creep around the house and slink into every nook and cranny like four-footed feline Sherlock and Holmes. They try to solve this new sound mystery but have not rescued the virtual crying kitten in our house. Alexa has damaged their ego and heartstrings.

My poor babies.

Watching our new feline sound stage show is heartbreaking. I need payback. Maybe I can shut down their new found sense of humor and blow her fuse for a change?

I am a writer who sells vintage books and toys. I write about the whimsy of life, family, thrifting, everything and nothing and whispers of the Holy Spirit.

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