The Hunted

We took a short road trip to a favorite breakfast spot. I think we arrived after the local churches released their parishioners though. The parking lot and restaurant was beyond full. I suggested we continue on and find another place to eat. Not too far down the road, we spotted a place with a short line. We waited for our table among the locals and….yes, the taxidermy. Evidently, we’d literally hunted down a new place.

The signs and quotes in this restaurant were of interest while we waited though. We also observed the waitresses that were everywhere…except the hostess station. When we got to the front of the line, we seated ourselves and did not sit under the bear on his hind quarters or near the deer at the counter.

The menu was long and read like a book which is not usually a good sign either. We ignored the additional red flag and just ordered some basics – an omelette for my husband and ham and eggs for myself. The toast arrived absolutely slathered with butter. Nope. Margarine. Nope. It could not be defined. Until today I loved marbled rye. My barely toasted piece tasted like sawdust. I’d even taken a second bite trying to camouflage the toast with my scrambled eggs. Unfortunately, I don’t think they were real eggs and only made it worse.

I had two items left and only gave them a try to not waste any more food. The home fries weren’t crispy but they were actual potatoes. Feeling like a ham for even staying at this place, I tried my ham. It may not have won the county fair but I do think it was once a pig. Evidently, this hunting lodge was all about its meat and potatoes.

My sister wondered why I didn’t tell the waitress and my answer was that I didn’t know which one to tell. One gave us our drinks. She only doubled back once for the whipped cream that wasn’t on my hot chocolate. Another brought our food, I mean grub. Nobody followed up. Someone else finally brought my water. My husband got creamer for 2 of his 3 coffees. Another waitress came back later and started to clear our plates. I asked for a ‘to go’ box. Not for us but for our pets. I couldn’t throw away the egg things. After she left, our original waitress came by to clear my remaining plate. I explained the situation at her table. She left and actually came back with the bill. Someone else took my payment. Nobody ever came back. We concluded we were supposed to unseat ourselves too.

The waitresses that looked so busy on our way in now seemed chaotic. The taxidermy on our way in now looked like animals that knew something we didn’t. We left hungry and took a little longer road trip home from our least favorite breakfast spot. Shoot me now.

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