Every year I watch Charlton’s masculine virtue and every season I listen to Michael’s humorous but spot-on critiques. This summer I need to merge the two and just ‘make it work’. I am here to tell it on the blog. Contestants need to know the Ten Commandments of Project Runway. I will be as blunt as a bush on fire:
1. Women do not want bigger hips. Do not put milk jugs in that section of your garment and think it is fashion forward couture. It is a ridiculous insult.
2. Do not argue with the judges. Seriously, the runway is not a democracy. If you cannot take the heat, it is not a kitchen. You will walk the walk and be out.
3. Side boobs and camel toes do not belong on the runway. If you would not send your daughter to the high school play in the outfit, it’s not a good fit. Pun intended.
4. Be a team player. Do not say “I” and do not think you have all the answers without talking to your teammates!
5. Do not take the challenges so literally. It’s epic failure and shows lack of creativity. It would be like me trying to chisel this lesson into two pieces of stone.
6. Do not over style. If you have a great idea, amazing construction and a model with attitude, over-accessorizing will destroy an outfit. Please do not add a hat, chocker, bangles, reverse-belt and strapped heels to embrace the look. If you do, Heidi will embrace you too.
7. Don’t be surprised you are out if Nina already told you her negative reaction. She does not hold back and is the queen of what is good and right in this world. She can predict the future almost as well as Charlton.
8. Take the feedback from the judges. It is called tough love and why you are there. Constructive criticism a good designer makes.
9. Time management is part of the game. Yes, I could make a nice swing skirt in three months too. A contestant on Project Runway, however, has less than a day of actual hours, unconventional materials and seething competitors nearby that will try to break you at every opportunity. Get past the sleep deprivation and show me something amazing and new.
10. Thou shall not ignore the Gunn. He is one of the most compassionate men that I have ever not met. He is a contestants number one fan, the mentor-of-mentors and oh, in case it wasn’t apparent – has had an amazing career and been on a few seasons already. He knows your judges inside and out; I’d give a listen to the man with the big stick.
While Easter season always brings me time with Charlton, mid-summer usually finds me thinking about fashion with Michael Kors. After carving this out so far, that is the challenge that remains. Two episodes have already aired and there’s no mention of the man that taught me about being too matchy-matchy. Perhaps this heavenly man will appear at some point in the future too?